I Need You, Cas
by destielappreciation
Summary: The start of this fanfic is set just after episode 8x17. Dean struggles with his confusion over his feelings for Cas, which he is forced to confront, for better or worse.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Cas." Dean woke up with a start, realising that he was safe and sound in a motel bed. He was drenched in sweat, and panting. He lay his head back on his pillow, trying to calm himself down by controlling his breathing. He sighed, shaking his head, as if he could shake his thoughts, and the memories of his dream away.

Dean had been having the same dream for a few weeks now, and every night was the same. It was ever since the confrontation with Cas, when he beat him to a bloody pulp, when he almost killed him. Dean shivered and pulled his sheets up around him.

That look Cas had in his eyes was the thing that haunted him the most. His eyes were just cold, dead. Cas had never looked at him like that before, and it broke him. Yes Dean knew that it wasn't Cas, not really. He knew that it was this Naomi bitch that made him act that way, and boy was she going to pay when he got his hands on her. Dean's aggression and animosity towards her had successfully managed to distract him from the dream and calm him down.

Sammy shifted in his bed across the room and Dean stifled a chuckle when he heard him murmur "clowns" in his sleep. It looked like he was having a nightmare too. Dean smiled to himself as he looked at the innocent sleeping face of his baby brother. He looked so childlike in his sleep, and Dean was reminded of how he needed to take care of him, because that was his job. And in order to take care of Sammy he had to be on the top of his game, which meant he needed to get some damn sleep at night.

He knew he would probably get past all this stuff with Cas if he could just see him, talk to him. He always felt better when he knew he was around, safer somehow, less worried. Cas always pulled through for him and Sammy. He knew that if it was in Cas' power to save those two, he would do it, no question.

If the recent events had taught him anything it's that Cas would literally do everything he could to keep them alive, to keep Dean alive. He was practically compelled by heaven to kill Dean, and he didn't do it. He stopped himself. He had rebelled against heaven, his brothers and sisters, yet again. This was not something he would take lightly. Yes he had terrified him, and yes he had nearly killed him, but he didn't. For a few heartbreaking moments Dean really thought that he would meet his end, and for good this time, because he knew he couldn't stand up and fight against Castiel. He didn't want to. But his connection to heaven broke just seconds before Cas had been about to deliver the final blow that would end the life of Dean Winchester. Dean remembered the look of shock on his face, as he regained his senses and saw what he had done to Dean, what he had been about to do. He looked confused, frightened, and lost, like a little child who loses sight of their parents in a crowded supermarket. All Dean wanted to do was comfort him, even though he was still scared he might change back into the cold Cas he had been ever since he came back from Purgatory. When he came towards him, Dean couldn't help but flinch away from his touch. But as Cas reached down and touched his face all the blood and pain disappeared. Not even a scratch. Even at a time like that Dean marvelled at the power of his friend, his angel.

There were so many questions swirling around Dean's head at that moment. But Cas never stuck around to hear them.

"Damn it, Cas," Dean whispered to himself. He knew there wasn't much point in praying to Cas again, he knew that he would get no response. This had been his routine ever since that day; he would wake from his dream and pray to Cas. But he never answered. He never came. But Dean didn't really know what else to do. He was so exhausted, and they were going after the next trial tomorrow. He needed to rest. And besides, even if Cas didn't come, talking him, praying to him, it always calmed him down.

He got up to use the bathroom, and then decided to stay in there, so as not to wake Sam if he got a little heated.

"Castiel," Dean began his speech. "Cas, I know you can hear me, just as I know you've heard every last one of my prayers. I know you have important things to take care of right now. I get that okay?! But, I need you, Cas. I just need to see you. I need to talk to you, face to face. I just want to know that we're okay, that we're still fokay after all that happened. It's keeping me up at night, Cas. I'm not sleeping, hell I'm barely eating. I'm worried about Sam, and you're the only one I can talk to about it. Everyone else..." Dean faltered, tears in his eyes as he continued. "Everyone is dead Cas. Everyone except you. Even though I thought I lost you, you came back. I just need you to come back now. Please. Even if it's just for five minutes. Just so I know you're still you, that Naomi hasn't sunk her claws back into you. Please Cas." Dean shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He thought that it would work. He truly thought that when he opened his eyes and looked in that mirror, Castiel would be there looking at him, stood far too closely behind him. But he wasn't. "Son of a bitch." Dean smashed his right hand into the mirror in front of him, leaving his knuckles bloody. The pain made tears prick in his eyes again as he attempted to clean himself up.

He clenched his jaw tight as he made to leave the bathroom, hoping that Sammy hadn't woken up. As he reached for the door handle a hand grabbed hold of his wrist. His eyes darted to the person who the hand belonged to, and Dean's heart kicked up a notch when his eyes saw the familiar tan trench coat.

"Hello Dean."

"Cas," Dean breathed, trying to work out whether he was scared or happy to see him. He couldn't really believe that he had finally shown. All Dean really wanted to do was embrace him. But he didn't. Instead, he chose to be angry. "Where the hell have you been?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Well, first things first, let me fix your hand." And with the slightest touch from the angel, the cuts left by the mirror attack were gone.

"Um, thanks." Dean became slightly embarrassed, but kept the angry expression on his face, refusing to let it show.

"I have to say Dean, from your prayers, I was expecting a more friendly greeting." Cas looked confused, as he so often did when he got caught in one of Dean's mood swings.

"Well maybe if you actually answered me once in a while, or I don't know, showed up when I called you, maybe then you'd get Friendly Dean." Dean felt guilty for responding so harshly to the angel, but he just couldn't seem to control his emotions around him. He really had a way of getting under his skin.

"I told you I had to get the tablet to a safe place Dean. I had to get it away from you, and Sam." Dean's heart sank at Castiel's words; he knew that the bottom line of what he had just said was that he didn't trust Dean, and that hurt him, more than he was comfortable with. The anger lines on Dean's forehead disappeared as his face fell and his eyes flickered to focus on the floor.

"After everything we've been through Cas. You, me and Sam. And you don't trust us. You don't trust me." Dean's voice was low, hoarse with the emotion he was struggling to hold back.

Cas began to understand the sudden mood change in Dean, and was horrified to see the upset in his eyes. He rushed to remedy the situation, telling Dean what he needed to hear, the truth.

"No Dean. You have misunderstood my meaning. Those who seek the tablet, angels and demons alike, they will not stop until they have it. And that means destroying everything and everyone in their path. I couldn't put you and Sam in danger. I had to get it as far away from you as I could. Do you understand? I was just protecting you. I was trying as always to keep you safe and put you out of harm's way." Cas put his hands on Dean's shoulders, searching his eyes for understanding.

Dean's face softened as he began to grasp what Cas was saying, what he had done for him and Sam. And he smiled, somewhat awkwardly, under Castiel's gentle touch. Dean looked down, feeling bashful all of a sudden.

"I'm sorry I was angry at you." Dean whispered to Cas.

"It's alright dean. I know I have given you reason in the past to not trust me. And I am sorry for that. But I have always tried to do what is right. I've always tried to do right by you, Dean. I'm sorry for the times I've got it wrong." Dean was starting feel uncomfortable under the angel's penetrating gaze. He was stood far too close to him, and Dean kept finding that his eyes were unintentionally being drawn to his lips as he delivered his movingly honest speech.

Dean, beginning to feel too warm, shrugged out of the angel's grasp.

"Alright then. You're sorry. I'm sorry. We're both sorry. So we can cut it out with all this fluffy touchyfeely crap now." Dean wished he wasn't so confused over his feelings for Cas. He felt like a terrible friend every time he pushed Cas away because the closeness made him uncomfortable. In a way, Cas was the best friend Dean had ever had. Although he had Sammy too, he knew that his friendship with Cas was different. Dean loved Cas like a brother, but sometimes he couldn't help but wonder if it was more than that. And when he wondered this, it freaked him out, which accounted for his mood swings. Poor Cas never really saw it coming, no wonder he struggled to keep up. "Now do you have anywhere to flit off to on secret angel business, or are you sticking around this time?" Dean instantly regretted his bitter tone; it was like he just couldn't help himself. That was how he always dealt with his feelings, any kind of feelings, by getting angry. I guess it was something he learnt from his daddy. Luckily though, Cas was used to his tone, and he didn't seem to be shaken by it.

"Well I've got the tablet to a safe place now. So I thought I'd stick around for a while." Cas paused, searching Dean's face for his response to this. Did he want him around? From his prayers he thought that was what he would want, but he couldn't be certain. He had spent the past few weeks alone whilst he searched for the hiding place he needed, and all he could think of was Dean's bloody and broken face. All he could feel was guilt for what he had done to him. The first thing he saw when the connection finally broke was that face, that poor scared face. And he knew it was his doing. He could tell that Dean was acting strange with him tonight, more reserved, more hesitant to be close to him. And he longed to be close to him. But he needed to know if Dean would be able to forgive him.

Dean relaxed a little when he had confirmation that Cas was actually going to stick around this time.

"Is that okay with you, Dean? I mean, I'll be here as long as you want me to be here. But if you don't, then I'll go. I'll understand." Cas stood unusually still, bracing himself for the worst response from Dean.

"Of course it's okay. I'm the one who called you remember. I... er... need your help with Sam." Dean knew this wasn't the only reason he needed Cas around, but the tough and manly Dean Winchester wasn't going to admit that out loud, not again anyway.

"Well that's good news. I don't really have anywhere else to go. I don't exactly think I'd be welcomed back to heaven anytime soon."

"Why not?" Dean knew that something big must have gone down in heaven to make Cas not be welcomed back with open arms. But he wanted to know what had actually happened. He wanted to know everything. And Cas owed him that, right?

"She gave me a choice Dean. She said I had to choose between Heaven and Earth. She asked me to choose between the angels, my original family, my brothers, my sisters, and humans. Between them and you. And I chose you. I turned my back on them, on everything, for you. For you, Dean." Dean stared at him, regarding him seriously, realising how much the angel cared for him, realising what he had said, what it meant. It was different hearing Cas say all this out loud. It meant so much more that he was actually telling Dean this, instead of just implying it. Dean knew that he had turned his back on his kind, but he didn't realise it was all for him. Not until that moment. The intensity of his gratitude unnerved him. It was more than gratitude though. It was an emotion that overpowered him. He was too warm again, shifting himself backwards from Cas, seeking space, feeling uncomfortable. How many times did he have to tell him about personal space? Didn't he realise what he was doing? Dean couldn't cope with the atmosphere between them.

"Cas. You know that me and Sammy are grateful. For everything you've done for us. And well. We'll be here, for whatever you need. I know the angels, they were your family, but you have us Cas. We've always looked to you as family. I hope you can look to us in the same way." Dean tried to smile, tried not to show how scared he was. On the outside he was cool, confident, as always. But on the inside he was so conflicted. All he wanted to do was hold the angel. Just hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But at the same time he was confused, because he didn't know what those feelings meant. It was a can of worms he never wanted to open. And here he was, backed up against the bathroom door, trapped in the angel's gaze, about to address all those feelings that he had been trying to run away from.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Why are you looking at me like that Dean? Why are you acting so strange?" Dean gulped, but didn't answer him. "Is it because..." Cas stopped not knowing if he could continue, but he knew he had to. He needed to know if Dean was ready to forgive him. And he needed to apologise. Properly. "Are you scared of me Dean?"

"What? Scared? No. Dean Winchester doesn't get scared." The tough-guy act was starting to get harder. It was true, Dean wasn't exactly scared of a lot of things. But there were some things that scared him. Losing Sammy was the biggest thing that scared him. And losing Cas. He'd been through too many times where he thought he had lost Cas, and it broke him. Dean stopped his thoughts in their tracks; he couldn't afford to get any more emotional right now.

"Dean, will you please just stop with this act for just once. I need to know how you feel." Dean's only response was a sharp intake of breath; internally, of course, he was screaming. "Please Dean. I need you to know how sorry I am about what I did to you. It wasn't me. I know it's not a good enough excuse, because I still hurt you with my own hands. But I need to know that you'll be able to forgive me. Even if it takes time, that's okay. Just as long as...I wouldn't be able to live with myself if..." Understanding dawned on Dean then. He stepped forward unconsciously and took hold of Cas by his shoulders. He needed to comfort him, he needed him to know that it was alright, that he had forgiven him before he even asked.

"Cas, buddy, it's okay. Honestly I don't hold it against you at all. It wasn't you. I knew it wasn't you. And you broke yourself out of it. You stopped yourself, Cas. You came back. You came back to me Cas. I don't need to forgive you, because there's nothing to forgive." Dean pulled him in for a hug and Castiel held him back. They stayed like this for a long time, neither one of them willing to let go. They both felt at peace, a pleasant and surprising feeling for them both. Neither of them could remember a time when they had felt so peaceful, so relaxed. At some point Cas broke the silence.

"Thank you, Dean," the angel said, low into Dean's ear. "I really needed this." Dean pulled his head back slightly to look at the angel, without letting him go. He smiled.

"Me too, Cas. Me too." Dean was staring into the angel's beautiful piercing blue eyes, and he realised how true his words were. He really did need this. And in that moment all of his feelings clicked into place, and he definitely couldn't ignore them anymore. He gently took the angel's face into his hands, tracing his lower lip with his thumb, smiling to himself. Smiling over how right it felt, being this close to him. But he knew he wanted to be closer.

Cas felt like he was glowing. Dean was stood so close to him, and now he was touching him, really touching him. He didn't want to make any sudden movements, in case he scared Dean away, but he found himself leaning even closer into him, breathing in Dean's familiar and extraordinary scent. Dean continued tracing his rough fingers around Cas smooth baby soft face, feeling grateful that the angel didn't pull away, that he didn't say anything. He just let his exploration continue. Dean found himself wondering whether he should kiss him. He wanted to. He really wanted to. But did he want to risk changing everything? His mind was burning with so many 'what if's. What if it was weird? What if Cas didn't like it? What if he didn't understand what was happening? Dean looked at Cas with questions and longing in his eyes, and Cas moved forward, his head moving slightly downwards and then back up again. He was nodding.

Dean stared at his lips for a little while longer, the anticipation hanging in the air so sweetly. Dean licked his bottom lip and heard Cas catch his breath, as he closed his eyes and moved towards Cas. Their lips had barely even brushed when they both heard a fist banging at the door.

As if the spell had been broken, Dean leaped back away from Cas, panic in his eyes. Sam could not know this. He motioned to Cas to keep quiet. Cas nodded his assent and looked to the floor, frowning.

"Sammy?" Dean spoke, voice gruff.

"Who else would it be? Are you going to be long? I gotta go Dean."

"Can't you hold it?"

"No. Can't you just come out of the bathroom? What the hell are you doing in there anyway?"

"Er..." What could he say? _Oh actually I was just about to get busy with our friendly neighbourhood angel, you may know him. _No chance in hell.

"Ugh... Dean. You're sick man." Dean realised what Sam thought he was doing and chuckled.

"What can I say, Sammy? A guy has needs."

"I swear, if you've been using my laptop again... You might want to clear the history after yourself once in a while. Hentai, Dean? Really?" Dean laughed again, and even though Cas was looking at him with his big confused eyes, he was enjoying winding Sam up.

"I'll try to remember that next time, Sammy."

"God, Dean. I'm going to pee outside. Leave you and your hand to it." Dean waited until he heard the motel room door close before he spoke to Cas.

"Cas, can you sort of just zap your angel ass out of here for the night? Come back in the morning? I just don't really want to explain this to Sam..." The angel was hurt that Dean wanted him to leave. After the tender moment they had just shared, he never wanted to leave Dean's side again.

"You want me to go?" He failed to keep the hurt and disappointment out of his voice. Dean sighed. He didn't want to cause Cas any upset, but he couldn't have Sam find out about this.

"No, Cas, I don't want you to go, okay? I'm real happy that you're here." Dean stopped talking as he heard Sam come back in.

"Goodnight, you sick perv. Clean up after yourself." Sam snuggled his way back down into his bed and fell to sleep almost instantly. Dean was momentarily sidetracked with worrying about how tired Sam always was these days. "It sounds like Sam is going to go back to sleep, so I guess it would be okay if you stayed. But in the morning, you have to zap yourself into our room and pretend like you just got here okay?"

"I don't understand." Although Dean found it frustrating when Cas didn't understand it, he found it endearing too.

"I just feel weird about this... this... thing between us. And I don't want Sam to know. Anything."

"Anything about what?"

"Us." Dean breathed the word, and with that he launched himself at the angel, grabbing hold of his face and pulling him into a kiss. It took him by surprise, Dean's sudden attack. But he liked it. He had kissed people before, so he knew what was expected of him. He began kissing Dean back, loving the feel of the hunter's stubbly face on his. His hunter; Cas had always thought of Dean as his hunter, but now that really took on a whole new meaning. Dean's fingers hooked in his hair as he clung to him. He could feel dean's tongue run along his lips, the pressure increasing as the kiss lengthened. Eventually Cas understood what he wanted and he opened his mouth, letting Dean's tongue collide with his own. Cas had never felt anything like this before, he never imagined that an assault on his mouth would feel like this, feel so good. His human body began to respond in ways he couldn't understand. These feelings for Dean scared him, so much that he broke the kiss, drawing back for air.

Dean's eyes shot open as Cas pulled away from him, feeling a sense of loss. Their foreheads rested together as they stared at each other, both waiting for their heavy breathing to subside.

"Too fast? Too much?" Dean asked breathlessly.

"Maybe." They smiled at each other timidly as their breaths became normal again. "I liked it though."

Dean's answering smile was enough to make anyone weak at the knees, even a celestial being. He ruffled his hair and kissed him gently and briefly on his lips and pulled away from him.

"I liked it too, Cas. But I really need to go to sleep."

"Could I come with you?"

"Sam is in there too, Cas."

"I know. I just would like to be near you, that's all. If Sam wakes up I promise to tell him I just arrived. Please Dean." Dean shook his head, incredulously, but found himself reaching out for the angel's hand.

"Come on then, just stay quiet okay?" He smirked as he turned around to lead him out of the room, thinking to himself that this was the lightest he had felt in a really long time, maybe ever. He was practically floating as crawled into his single bed, pulling the angel down next to him. Cas remarked how perfectly Dean's back fit against him, as he cradled him to his chest, wrapping his arm around his middle. He kissed him on the back of his neck, and whispered goodnight to Dean.

And that's how Dean fell asleep that night, being held the way he needed to be held, by the person who made him feel like he was okay, like he was whole.

Castiel never slept that night, as he kept watch over his human. He knew he would never leave Dean's side again.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

As the sunlight finally began to filter through the motel curtains, Cas could sense that Sam was beginning to stir. Remembering what Dean had said about not wanting Sam to know about their feelings for one another, he realised that he would have to move. He pulled his arm out from underneath Dean gently so he wouldn't wake him, and begrudgingly got out of the hunter's bed. The angel sighed as he went and sat on a chair in the corner, already missing Dean's warmth. Dean had rolled over in his sleep, and for that Cas was grateful. Watching Dean sleep was one of his favourite pastimes. He had done it a lot over the years, but now it felt different, special. They had always shared a profound bond, ever since Cas had gripped him tight and raised his soul from Hell. But it was different now. After the intimacy they shared the night before, Cas knew that their bond had changed. It was deeper now, and thinking of this made him smile. Smiling was such a human thing to do, but it felt so natural to Cas now. Dean made him feel so human.

Sam wriggled in his bed, yawning and stretching as he began to wake up. Cas unwillingly pulled his gaze away from Dean and focused it on Sam as he started to open his eyes. He rubbed his eyes when he saw Cas and then blinked a few times, sure that he was dreaming.

"Cas?" He sat up abruptly when he realised that he was awake and that Cas was actually there.

"Hello Sam."

"Cas, it's actually you!" Cas smiled affectionately, remembering how endearing the younger Winchester was. He had come to look at him as a little brother of sorts. He cared for him. But looking at him did not bring the same emotion as it did when he looked at Dean. His feelings for Dean had always been different, and he always knew that. He always felt more loyalty to Dean. He always felt more protective of him. Even though he was protective over Sam too, a part of him knew that the reason for that was because of Dean, because Dean wouldn't be able to live with himself if anything ever happened to his little brother.

"Yes. It's me, Sam." The angel didn't really know what he was supposed to say in this situation. Sam was looking at him with his puppy dog eyes, full of questions. He didn't want to say too much to Sam, just in case he said something that Dean didn't like.

Sam's gaze fixed on Dean for a second. Putting two and two together Sam realised that Cas must have finally answered Dean's prayers. He knew that his older brother was praying to Cas every night, and he knew that he had been struggling ever since the encounter they had a few weeks ago. He knew it was something that he wouldn't be able to help him through though, because it's virtually impossible to help the great and mighty Dean Winchester. Dean never asked for help, and he never wanted it. He spent most of his time struggling along alone, pretending that he's just fine, and although Sam admired that about his big brother, he sort of hated it too. Sam was beyond happy that Cas had finally made an appearance, because he knew that his brother needed him.

Sam bounded over to Cas and very surprisingly yanked him up out of the chair and hugged him. "I'm really happy to see you Cas." The younger and taller Winchester put the startled angel back on his feet.

"Um, are you feeling alright, Sam?"

"Yes. Well no. But, that's a long story. I'm just glad you're here. He's going to be so happy you're here." They both turned their heads to look at Dean, blissfully oblivious in his sleep. He looked so peaceful, they both found themselves smiling. It was almost beautiful to see the fierce Dean Winchester look so vulnerable.

"I thought it was time that I explained myself. And I needed to apologise for all that has happened since I got out of Purgatory." Cas found himself frowning when he thought about all the time that he had been trapped under Naomi's command. All the cruel things she had forced him to do made him feel nauseous. There were so many things that he felt deep guilt over; killing Samandriel, consistently lying to the Winchesters, and hurting Dean. Hurting Dean was obviously the thing that had weighed so heavy on his mind. It made him hate Naomi more than he ever thought possible.

"Cas, it's okay. We know it wasn't you. We forgive you. Because you came through for us in the end, just like you always do." As Sam said 'us' he realised he just meant Dean. It was Dean that the angel always came through for, it was Dean that he always showed up for, and it was Dean that he was here for now. Sam knew that Cas was a lot closer to Dean than he was to him, but he didn't really mind. He was actually happy that Dean had found someone that he could depend upon, especially if anything ever happened to him. He had been worrying about the trials lately, about what they might do to him. He wasn't particularly worried for himself, mostly he just worried for Dean. Sam knew that he was Dean's only weakness. After all, it was Dean's weakness for his baby brother that got him into so much trouble, time and time again. He still couldn't believe that Dean had sold his soul for him. It was overwhelming that someone loved him that much. And he knew that if anything happened to him again, it would break Dean. His brother had been through so much heartbreak in his life, so much that he couldn't even see a light at the end of the tunnel, he couldn't see a way out. When Dean had confessed this to Sam, it broke his heart. It constantly broke Sam to see how broken his brother was. He was a good man. The best man. And Sam could see a light at the end of the tunnel for his brother. And he was beginning to think that it was Cas. He truly believed that if Cas stuck around, his brother would be okay. If Cas just stuck around, Dean could survive losing Sam.

"Listen, Cas. Can I ask you a favour?" Sam turned his head again to make sure that Dean was still soundly asleep.

"Sure, Sam. What do you need?" The angel felt wary again, he wasn't sure what Sam wanted from him.

"It's not really for me. It's for Dean." The angel's interest in the favour suddenly peaked at the very mention of Dean's name. Of course, he would do anything for Dean.

"You know he's not really the type to ask for much. But I think it would mean a lot to him if you stuck around." Cas smiled, knowing that he had already silently promised his heart that he would never leave Dean's side again. The very thought of leaving him now hurt. "I've been worrying about these trials, and I'm worried about Dean. If anything should happen to me, I need to know that he's not going to be alone in this. That you'll stay with him. I need to know that if he loses me, you'll help him through it, and stop him doing anything stupid. Can you do that for me Cas?"

"Of course, Sam. I had already planned on sticking around. I've got the angel tablet to a safe place now, so I'm free to be here. To help you both. I know you have been struggling with these trials. And I know how he worries for you. I will do everything in my power to keep you both safe. And you have my word that I will be here, if the worst should happen." The thought of losing Sam hurt the angel. Even more so because he could anticipate the pain it would cause Dean. He naturally was inclined against anything that would hurt Dean or cause him pain.

Sam nodded, and after breathing a sigh of relief, he hugged Cas again. "Thank you, Cas."

Looking over Sam's shoulder he could see that Dean's eyes were open. His jaw was set in a hard line, and there was no trace of warm feeling in his eyes. Cas felt stung. He realised at once that he had heard what Sam had said. He had heard it, and he was angry.

When Sam pulled away from Cas he too noticed that Dean was now awake, and judging from his expression, he drew the same conclusion that Cas had done.

"Cas?" Dean's voice was gruff, strained, when he finally spoke. Yes, Dean Winchester was angry.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Taking in the expression on Dean's face, and the direction of his glare, he soon realised that Dean only seemed to be angry at Cas. If it was about what Sam had said, surely he would have just shouted about it straight away. That was Dean. Charging in guns blazing. But he didn't. Sam realised that Dean hadn't seen Cas since everything that had happened, and he was probably really angry that it had taken him this long to show. He decided that they may need some space to clear the air.

"Um... I'm just going to go take a walk. Give you guys some time." Sam awkwardly left the motel room, instantly feeling relief the minute he stepped outside. He sure did not want to be around for that conversation.

Dean waited until Sam left before he spoke, trying desperately to reign in his sudden anger at the angel. Dean couldn't quite put his finger on why he was so mad at Cas. All he knew is he woke up disappointed when he could no longer feel his body cradling his. Before he had a chance to worry that Cas had done another runner on him, he opened his eyes to see him in a warm embrace with his brother. He heard Sam whisper his thanks to the angel, and that was it, that was all it took. It seemed ridiculous, but was he jealous?

"What were you two whispering about?" As Dean sat up, Cas came to sit beside him on the bed and he felt his anger diminish slightly under his tender gaze.

Cas knew that Dean must have heard their conversation; why else would he be so angry? But then surely he would have wanted to talk to Sam about it too, and he just let him walk straight out of there. As always, Cas was left feeling confused after Dean's latest mood swing.

"Why are you angry with me, Dean? I can't work out what I've done." Dean's mood softened even further as he found himself endeared to the confusion playing across the angel's face. He started to calm his emotions down then, realising that the angel had done nothing wrong, and that he had overreacted. He had overreacted because he was jealous. He'd felt jealousy over Cas before, but obviously in the past he had tried to pin his angst on another reason. When he had got all strung out over Cas and Meg having a thing he kept telling himself that it was just because she was a demon, because he felt like she couldn't be trusted. Looking back on those feelings now, he recognised them for what they were; jealousy. Cas was Dean's angel. The intensity of his feelings shocked him; after all, it was only just the night before that he had finally acknowledged his feelings for Cas.

"I'm not angry at you Cas. Sorry... I... er... I'm just not a morning person, that's all. You guys woke me up." Dean didn't want Cas to know that he had been jealous, he didn't want him to know how deep his feelings really ran. Cas knew that something wasn't right, but he was content in that moment knowing that Dean wasn't actually angry at him. He instinctively moved towards Dean, a timid smile on his lips.

"I'm sorry we woke you Dean. I really tried not to. You look so peaceful when you sleep." Cas reached out to run the back of his hand against Dean's cheek. Dean closed his eyes at the angel's touch, and inhaled deeply. The intimacy in that one small gesture was enough to make his head swim. Dean opened his eyes and looked away from Cas, trying to distract himself from becoming overwhelmed by the angel's presence.

"So what were you talking about with Sam? Catching him up on the whole tablet situation?" Dean tried to keep jealousy out of his tone, making his questions sound light, with only a little bit of curiosity.

"Yes, I let him know that I got it to a safe place. And that I was planning on sticking around, to help you both with the trials, and whatever you need." Dean felt relief at his words; he would never get tired of hearing Cas say that he was sticking around. Reassurance was something that Dean needed, with everything. Of course he would never ask for it, but he needed it. He nodded slightly, trying not to show how happy that made him. He didn't want Cas to know how much he relied on him to be there, how much he hated it when Cas wasn't around.

"Good. That's good. Saves me having to tell him then. And he seemed okay about it? About you tagging along with us?" Cas wanted to frown at the way Dean was acting this morning, so hesitant and reserved again. His constant shift in emotions was too much for Cas to understand. Was he angry at Cas about last night? No, he couldn't be, not when he was the one who made the first move. Did he regret it? Cas frowned as this thought settled its way into the his heart. That had to be the reason he was acting this way. He hadn't heard the conversation between him and Sam, so there was no other reason for his anger earlier.

Remembering the countless times Dean had told him about personal space, he left the bed and stood up against the wall across the room. If Dean regretted what they had shared the night before then Cas didn't want to risk making him feel even more uncomfortable. Dean wondered what had made the angel move away from him, and tried not to show how unhappy it made him.

"Yes, Sam seemed quite pleased, as far as I could tell. He seemed to think it would be good for you." Cas watched Dean's reaction to what he had said, trying to work out what he really thought about him sticking around. He thought he could be certain that Dean wanted him to stay, but after his mood change this morning, he had his doubts. Before he met Dean, Castiel was so certain of everything, and then all that changed. The hunter always had him second guessing, and if he was honest, it was a refreshing change. Confusing, yes, but refreshing nonetheless.

"Sam thought it would be good for me? What did he mean by that?" Dean began to panic."He...er... he didn't see anything last night, did he?" This was yet another reaction that pointed towards regret. Cas felt hurt that Dean was acting this way with him. It made him lose patience with the hunter.

"No, Dean. I made sure I moved away from you before he woke up. So he didn't see anything. And you do realise that even if he did see anything, he wouldn't mind. This is Sam we're talking about." His words made Dean recoil slightly. He realised then that he had annoyed the angel by not wanting Sam to know about them. But Dean didn't want anyone to know anything until he actually knew what they were. The thought of Cas wanting Sam to know gave him hope though. Perhaps last night meant more to him than Dean had realised. He smiled. "Why are you smiling now? Honestly Dean, I don't ever know where I am with you. Your moods shift so frequently, always leaving me behind. You confuse me." The angel's frustration grew further as he registered his human reactions to the emotions he was feeling. He felt warm moisture gather at his eyes.

Dean looked at the angel, horrified. Was he crying? Had he honestly just made his angel cry? He jumped off of his bed and walked over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, Cas, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Cas tried to avoid the hunter's gaze, because he knew that once he was locked in eye contact with him, he would be lost.

"I'm fine, Dean. You didn't upset me, it just frustrate me sometimes when I can't understand you." Dean didn't really know what to say to make the situation better. If truth be told, his emotions were just as much a mystery to him as they were to the angel. Cas carried on in a low whisper. "You can just tell me that you regret it, Dean. It's okay." Regret? No. Dean felt no regret over the night before. Being close to Cas was the best feeling he had felt in a really long time. No, he didn't regret it at all.

Dean took the angel's face in his hands and forced him to look at him. Once their eyes were locked, Dean set about to rectify the angel's mistaken thoughts.

"Cas, are you insane? I don't regret last night at all." Cas smiled as his heavy heart lifted at the hunter's words.

"I just thought that was why you were acting so strange with me. Why you seemed so mad when you woke up." Dean slowly shook his head. In an effort to show the angel that he truly meant what he said, he planted a very soft, light kiss on his lips. The fleeting second of contact with Dean's lips was all it took to make the angel's heart pound. Dean smirked as Cas blushed slightly, feeling slightly in awe of the effects he could have on him.

"I was jealous, Cas. I know it sounds crazy, but I was. That's why I was angry. All I know is I woke up missing your warmth next to me and then I opened my eyes to see you hugging Sammy. It sounds stupid now, but what can I say? I don't like it when other people touch you, and apparently that includes Sam." Dean thought he would feel embarrassed admitting all this out loud, but he didn't. There was something about being this close to Cas that made everything else just not matter.

"You were jealous?" Dean nodded, a smirk playing across his face, making him look even more beautiful than Cas thought possible. "Because you want me all to yourself?"

Dean took a moment before answering, not wanting to seem too eager. But yes. The answer was yes. Dean really did want Cas all to himself. He wanted to belong to Cas just as much as he wanted Cas to belong to him. Castiel was Dean's angel, and Dean was Castiel's hunter. That's the way he wanted it to be. That's the way it should be. Finally Dean nodded. Taking advantage of the fact that his hands were still grasping the angel's face, he pulled him in for another kiss. As the kiss deepened, Dean moved his hands into the angel's hair, desperately holding his face to him, pushing him against the wall in an effort to be closer to him.

All Cas could think was that he wanted this moment to last forever. He was still rejoicing over the fact that The Dean Winchester wanted him. All he could hear was his heart pounding in his ears; it was enough to make him dizzy. He was grateful for the wall holding them both up.

Dean was similarly wishing that the sheer unending bliss of this moment could go on forever. But he also knew that Sam would be back any minute, and finding the two of them like this was not how he wanted him to find out.

He slowed the kiss before trying to pull away, but the angel had other ideas. His lips remained locked with Dean's. Cas couldn't understand what he was doing, why he wanted to pull away and end this exquisite moment. He murmured no against the hunter's lips, and Dean responded with a giggle. Eventually the heat between them slowed, allowing Dean to pull away successfully. He kissed the corner of the angel's mouth, turning his pouty little frown into a smile. He needed Cas to stop being so freaking adorable for just two minutes, or he wouldn't be able to control himself.

"Sorry, Baby Blues. We just have to cool it for a while okay?" Dean smirked as the angel pouted again, momentarily allowing himself to be distracted by the angel's lips. He risked a quick chaste kiss before continuing. "Sammy is going to be back soon, and I'd much rather he found out because we told him, not because he walked in on us going at it."

"You want to tell Sam?" The angel didn't realise it was possible to explode from happiness until that very moment.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Dean cherished how happy his decision had made Cas, and despite his nerves about telling Sam, he had to admit he was pretty happy about it too. It had always been a general rule that Dean never really opened up to anyone about his feelings, and that included Sammy. But when things did finally get too much, it was Sam that Dean went to. And not just because Sam was the only person Dean really had, but because he always listened and he never judged him. Dean knew he had admitted some terrible things to his brother, and he was still here, by his side, just like always.

He knew the conversation would be awkward, because he had never really had to have this conversation with Sam before. He was contemplating telling him alone, without Cas, but he knew that it would probably offend and confuse the angel if he asked him to leave for a while.

Dean had been lying on his bed waiting for Sam to come back for quite a while now, trying to think how to phrase everything. Cas had naturally followed him over to the bed, needing to be near him. The angel knew that Dean needed some quiet time to contemplate the discussion ahead, and he didn't mind, just as long as he could watch him, be close to him. Not being able to resist the urge to touch him, Cas had begun lightly tracing circles in Dean's skin. Dean found himself smiling as he continued his imaginary conversation of how he'd like the conversation with Sam to go.

_Well, Sammy. Me and Cas are sort of a thing now._

_Sort of a thing?_

_Yeah._

_Oh._

_Are you cool with that?_

_Yeah I'm cool with that._

_Okay. Awesome. _

Dean thought it might need a little bit of work, but that kind of conversation would suit him just fine. He just wanted to let Sam know, and then that was it. He didn't want to talk about his feelings for Cas, because, if truth be told, his feelings scared him. Dean Winchester, ladies and gentlemen. Ghosts? Vampires? Ghouls? Sure. The apocalypse? Yeah, why not? Talk about your feelings? No way.

"Damn it, where the hell is Sam? Where did he walk to, freaking Timbuktu?" Dean's sudden outburst made Cas jump a little. Cas knew how on edge Dean was, he could feel him almost trembling with nerves. He rested his hand flat on Dean's chest, over his heart, in an attempt to calm him down. His heart rate seemed a little erratic, and it was definitely above average. The angel knew that this was a big step for Dean, to come clean about his feelings, but he couldn't understand why he was this worried about it. He knew that Sam wouldn't have a problem, and he knew that deep down Dean knew it too.

"Dean?" His name spoken in the angel's voice pulled him from his conflicted mind. When their eyes locked, Dean's mood became more composed. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah, I'm sure Cas."

"Please don't feel like you have to Dean. I don't want you to feel forced into it somehow. We can tell him when you're ready." Dean considered the options in front of him. What were the benefits of not telling Sam? There would be no awkward conversation. What would be the benefits of telling Sam? Him and Cas could be open and honest with their feelings, finally, after all this time of tiptoeing around each other. They wouldn't have to sneak around. Dean wanted to be honest with Sam; this is what he had decided. Besides, if he didn't tell Sam, he would most likely have a very sulky angel on his hands, and that just wouldn't do.

"I'm ready to tell him Cas. I want to tell him." The angel smiled timidly, leaning down to plant a tender kiss on Dean's mouth, and then he settled his head where his hand had just been, on the spot above Dean's heart.

Being close to the angel seemed to work wonders on Dean's mood, as it so often did. The hunter wrapped his arms around his quiet and thoughtful angel, nestling his face into his hair.

With Dean's arms wrapped so tenderly around him, Cas felt brave enough to voice a worry of his own.

"Are you ashamed of your feelings for me, Dean?" He whispered the words against the hunter's chest, not daring to move to look up into Dean's eyes. He heard the sharp intake of breath and realised that the question had taken him by surprise. Dean wondered where on earth that question had come from. In Dean's head they were sharing another perfect moment. All Dean could think about was how happy he was, how perfect it felt holding Cas this way. Why was Cas feeling this way now? He started to panic that it was something he had done or said. He mentally chastised himself for being so moody all the damn time, thinking that this was the reason for the hurt in the angel's voice. If Cas needed tender and emotional Dean, well that's what he was going to get.

"Cas, why would you ask something like that?" Dean worked to keep his tone soft instead of accusatory. The angel responded with a small shrug of his shoulders. "Hey, Cas, look at me." Dean gently put his hand on the angel's face, softly pulling it up to look at him. The angel still avoided his gaze. "Cas, please look at me." The angel gave in, melting a little at the affection in Dean's voice. "Cas, I don't want you to feel that way okay? I'm not ashamed of the way I feel about you. Because the way I'm feeling right now, being this close to you, just holding you like this... Cas I've never felt like this before. The way I feel about you... it's so different to anything I've felt in the past. That's why it took me so long to admit to myself that I felt this way for you. Because it's scary, Cas. My feelings for you are so overwhelming that they scare me. But I'm not ashamed of it. I'm not ashamed of you, or us. It's never felt this right before. Just being with you, being next to you, holding you, touching you, playing with your hair, kissing you, breathing you in... it makes me feel alive. The only thing I'm ashamed of is not admitting this sooner, for wasting time not being with you." Cas couldn't believe he was actually hearing all of this, all of his feelings voiced aloud, except they were coming from Dean, they were Dean's feelings, feelings that mirrored his own. The angel's eyes swam with all the emotion that bubbled up into his heart.

"Dean... you promise that you mean it? Everything you just said... You really mean that?"

"Yes, Cas. Every word." Dean leaned down to kiss the angel, as if he was sealing his words with that kiss.

Cas murmured his response against Dean's lips, quietly. Dean pulled his head back not hearing what the angel had said, and wanting to, desperately wanting to know what he felt.

"What was that, baby? Say it again." Dean's voice sounded so sweet, so soft, softer than he ever thought it could be.

"Dean, I –" The sound of the motel door opening stopped the angel in his tracks. They didn't have to look at the door to know who the gasp had come from.

Dean effortlessly slid out from underneath Cas and walked towards their intruder, whilst Cas settled himself into an upright position on the bed.

"Well... I guess I have some explaining to do Sammy."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"I don't believe it." Sam Winchester had to sit down from the shock of what he had just witnessed, what he had just been told. "I just don't believe it." Sam shook his head incredulously as he looked at his older brother and the angel.

Dean nervously looked from his brother to Cas and back again.

Sam couldn't believe what he was hearing, or seeing. Dean was finally being honest about his feelings for Cas. After all they had been through together, Sam could see that things were heading this way, and he had sincerely hoped that they would. But then, after everything that had happened over the angel tablet, Sam worried that his brother's relationship with the angel could have seriously been damaged. He had been so happy when he had woken up to Castiel this morning, and he had been even happier when Cas had agreed to sticking around.

"Sam, please say something..." Dean's nerves had begun to show, as his voice faltered a little. Cas reached out to take his hand in an effort to soothe his worried little hunter. It wasn't often that Cas, or anyone, actually saw Dean show any signs of nerves; it was endearing. Dean looked at Cas, thanking him with a coy smile. As Dean looked back at Sam, he could see a small smile playing across his brother's face.

Sam took a deep breath and sighed, before putting Dean out of his misery.

"Well, it was about time guys." Sam had begun grinning widely when he took in his brother's surprised face.

"What?" It was now Dean's turn to not believe what he had heard.

"Dean, I'm not stupid. I've seen this coming for a really long time. I think I probably knew before you even did. Hell, everyone did. I think the only person that didn't seem to be clued in was you." Cas smirked at Sam's words; it was true, he thought, Dean did seem to be the last to know. "I'm glad you finally figured it out." Sam's smile to his brother was warm, genuine.

"So you're okay with this? With us, I mean?" Dean let a cautious smile creep across his face as he considered how well his brother was taking this.

"Dude, of course. Come here." The Winchester brothers jumped up and collided together.

Cas smiled as he watched the brothers warmly embrace each other; he loved how close they were, how they would willingly put their lives on the line for each other. There was a bond of completely selfless love between the two brothers, and Cas wanted to tell them to appreciate it more, to truly cherish it. It was so rare to see this level of selflessness in humans. Cas had spent thousands of years observing the race from afar and he knew that on the whole they were selfish creatures, that stepped all over each other just to get to the top, only interested in themselves. But the Winchesters were different; they were a very rare and special family. They all seemed to share the same self-sacrificing love. Mary died trying to protect her son from evil. John sold his soul so that his son could live. And then there was Sam and Dean. For each other, these two brothers threw themselves at death willingly time and time again, no questions asked. It was a heartbreakingly beautiful to watch.

It was that selfless quality that Dean's soul possessed that first drew the angel to him. When he was given the order to rescue his soul from hell, he jumped at the chance. He had watched as Dean sold his soul for the life of Sam with great interest, marvelling at the depth of love this human had. As soon as his soul had been dragged to hell, Cas was ready and waiting to be a part of the rescue party. He wanted, needed, to be a part of saving Dean, the righteous man, Michael's chosen vessel. When he first gripped Dean's soul, he was truly astounded and amazed by the goodness he felt. If there was one thing Cas was proud of, it was that. Saving Dean. From then on Cas became very attached to the human in his care, and his appreciation for Dean grew each time his goodness shone through. He was so brave, so trusting, so understanding, and so forgiving. If anyone was ever lucky enough to have Dean's love, they could be sure that they were safe in his hands. Dean Winchester had proven so many times over that he would die to protect the people he loved.

"You too, Cas. Get over here." Sam pulled the angel from his reverie, grabbing his arms to yank him into a hug. Sam whispered his thanks into the angel's ear.

"Alright, Sammy. Get your own angel." Even though his tone was joking, Dean's jealousy was evident in his voice. Dean pulled Cas into him as the other brother let him go, planting a sly kiss on the back of the angel's neck, smiling as he felt him blush.

"Alright you two, just because I'm okay with it doesn't mean I appreciate the PDA." Dean responded by sitting back on the bed and pulling the angel onto his lap. He grinned at Sam from behind Cas, causing his brother to roll his eyes. Of course, if you tell Dean Winchester not to do something, he will do it.

"Suck it up Sammy. If you don't like it you know where the door is." Dean smiled as he kissed the angel's neck again.

"And that would be my queue to leave. I have to check in with Kevin anyway. I have about 14 missed calls from him." Sam pulled his phone out to call Kevin back. "Make that 18."

"Is everything okay? Is it about the Demon tablet? Do you need us to come with you?" Sam could see that Dean was perfectly happy staying right where he was.

"No I'm sure I can handle whatever the bag of raging teenage hormones has to throw at me. You kids have fun." Sam winked at them both as he grabbed the keys to the Impala before heading for the door.

"Hey, you scratch my baby, you die, capiche?" Dean's look was deadly serious for a second. Sam rolled his eyes again as he walked out the motel door, calling behind him.

"Love you too, big brother." And with that, Sam was gone, leaving Dean and Cas alone again.

"Well I think that went quite well, don't you?" Cas chuckled nervously as he realised they were alone at last.

"Mmm..." was Dean's only response as he began tracing the angel's neck with his lips. Cas shivered slightly, as he thought how good Dean was at all this. Cas let his head fall back against Dean's shoulder, in a natural action to expose more of his neck. Suddenly Dean knew that he needed to be closer to the angel, needed to feel his own lips against his lips. He moved the angel so that he was lying on the bed beneath him without breaking contact with his skin, his lips moving from the angel's neck to his lips in a matter of seconds. Yes, Dean was really good at this. Dean seemed perfectly happy taking the lead, which was good for Cas, because he had no idea what he was doing. All he knew was that he wanted to touch Dean's face; he had such a beautiful face.

They were both holding onto each other desperately, as if they were afraid that the other one would disappear if they loosened their grip. They both marvelled at how good it felt to be pressed up against each other, how right it felt, how they just seemed to slot together perfectly.

Cas could feel the moisture in his eyes again as the emotions he was feeling began to overwhelm him. He never thought that feeling human would feel quite like this; he revelled in it. Cas felt Dean slow the passion slightly and pull away. He opened his eyes to see a blurry Dean staring back at him.

"Are you okay, Cas?"

"Yes," Cas whispered his simple response as Dean reached up to the angel's face to wipe the tears from his eyes.

"Why are you crying, baby?"

The angel pondered this question to himself; why was he actually crying? What emotion was the one predominantly overwhelming him? And in that moment he knew. The Angel smiled, blinking back his tears so that his eyes would focus on Dean's as he gave him his answer.

"Because I love you, Dean."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Dean stared into the angel's bright blue eyes, not really sure how to process what he has just said. Love. Cas had used the word love. Cas had actually said that he loved him. Dean had always thought that the word 'love' would scare him whenever it came up romantically. But Dean didn't feel scared now.

'Love' had come up before, and it had scared Dean then. Lisa had told Dean that she loved him, and he had responded in the only way he knew how to, by completely ignoring it and pretending she had never said it. Dean knew that he didn't love her, so the idea of her loving him terrified him. Don't get me wrong he had really cared for Lisa, and he had come pretty close to loving her, but he always knew deep down that it wasn't love for him, not really. The main problem for Dean was that he knew that Lisa would never truly know him, not who he really was, what he really was about. She knew about the hunting, of course, and that it was once a big part of who he was. And she also knew a little of what he had been through over the years, from the extremely rare occasions when he would let himself be vulnerable with her. But knowing Dean's past wasn't the same as knowing him. That was just it; Lisa thought that it was all in the past for Dean, but it wasn't. There were so many things that Dean would never move on from, and he knew in his heart that he was and always would be a hunter.

Hunting was never something Dean could just drop, which is why he never could understand how easily Sam had given it up. Dean knew that it would always be a part of him, and he knew that Lisa would never be able to understand that. So how could she possibly love him if she didn't even know the real him? That was one of the reasons why he had refused to accept her love. And the other reason was staring back at him right now.

Cas. Would Dean be able to accept his love? If anyone on this planet knew Dean Winchester, it was Cas. They had shared so many things together. Granted, most of those things had been bad, but Cas had always been there for it, helping him, fighting alongside him. He had turned his back on everything he knew just to keep Dean safe. If that isn't love, I don't know what is. Sacrificing everything for the person that you care most about, that's real love.

"Dean?" The angel tenderly whispered his name, brushing his fingertips over his face, calling him back from his reverie. Dean smiled back at the angel, and felt a sense of warmth overtake him as he accepted the love that he had for him. Dean burned with the intensity of the feelings he had for Cas; his love for him was almost overwhelming. He knew that he had never felt this way before, he had never known himself to feel something so strongly before. These feelings had been building up for so long that he barely even noticed them at first, and then when he did notice them they scared him so much that he pushed them down and tried his best to ignore them. Now that he had let himself feel it all, feeling it was all he could do.

"Dean, please get out of your head and talk to me." Dean could hear from the angel's tone of voice that he was anxious, worried, waiting for a reply. He answered him with another warm smile and gently brushed the angel's pouty lips with his own.

"I'm sorry, I just... had a lot to think about... a lot to process." Cas knew that Dean had been thinking about what he had said, about his love for him, but what he didn't know was how Dean actually felt. He knew that Dean wasn't usually the emotional, vulnerable type that shared his feelings with others, but it had always been different between them. Dean had let his guard down with Cas so many times, and that's how Cas had fallen in love with him. His love for him grew so gradually each time he was allowed to glimpse another part of Dean's soul. Dean Winchester was so beautiful to Cas, every single part of him. Cas was still feeling anxious, a little scared, over the words he had spoken to Dean. Not because they weren't true, because they were, but because Dean hadn't really given him a response yet. Did Dean love him too? Was he flattered? Repulsed? Or had his words simply made Dean uncomfortable? So many questions of uncertainty ran through the angel's mind. He needed Dean to expand on his thoughts.

"What were you thinking?" Dean blushed a little at the angel's words. He had been thinking about the overpowering love he was feeling for the angel. And he had been wondering whether he should just come right out and say it. Well if Cas had done it, why couldn't he?

"I was mostly thinking about you. About how much you've done for me. About how you've always been there. And after hearing your feelings for me, I was thinking about my feelings for you. They started off so gradually that I barely even realised what it was at first, I never really knew or understood what I was feeling. Cas, I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for you. Sam wouldn't be here. And, hell, the world probably wouldn't even be here. You saved me, Cas. In every way it's possible to save a person. And I love you for that." Dean stopped for a moment to catch a breath. He wasn't really sure what would come out when he started talking, but he was glad that he had said all that he had done. Because it was all true. Cas marvelled at the hunter, the famous Dean Winchester, ruthless, fearless, bold, brave. And here he was, spilling his guts to Cas. The angel felt the insanely human moisture build up in his eyes again.

"Say it again." Cas let a coy smile play across his lips as Dean took his face into his hands. Putting his lips to the angel's mouth, he began to murmur those magical words to him. "Louder." In an effort to satisfy his angel, Dean pulled his head back to lock their eyes together, the intensity of their chemistry burning between them.

"I love you, Cas. I am so in love with you." Dean crushed himself into Cas, desperately needing him to be close, closer than ever, and Cas responded to him just as passionately. They never once left each other's lips as they managed to slowly undress each other, caressing each other's skin as more and more of it was revealed. Cas was in awe over how beautiful Dean's form was, and although he had very little experience in this department, he wasn't worried. He knew he was in safe hands with Dean.

Dean had never been with a man before, so he knew this experience would be different. Sure he had a lot of experience with women, too much really, but he had absolutely no idea what to do with a man. It wasn't something he had ever even wondered about, not until Cas. But like Cas, he wasn't worried. He would just let their impulses guide them, going with whatever felt right, natural. He wanted this. No, he needed this. He needed Cas. He needed him in every way he could possibly get him.

"Make love to me, Dean." The angel whispered these words softly against Dean's lips, and it was nearly his undoing.

Dean had no problems with willingly obeying the angel's loving command.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Cas watched Dean's eyelids slowly close as he fell asleep with a content smile playing across his lips. He allowed himself to truly marvel at what he had just shared with the man lying on his chest; the man he loved. He too was feeling pretty content as he watched Dean sleep for the hundredth time. It was something he knew he would never tire of, especially now that he was allowed to do it at such a close proximity.

As Cas traced small circles over Dean's flawlessly freckled face, he found himself slowly drifting off to sleep. In that moment he had never felt more human.

* * *

"Cas," Dean's voice, angry and urgent, broke into the angel's subconscious. "Cas, come on, wake up, we have to go." When Cas finally stirred, he opened his eyes to see a fully clothed Dean thrusting his clothes in his face. Recognising that now was not the time to question Dean on where they were going, or why they were going, he put his fingers to his head, and in less than a second he was up and dressed. Dean never stopped being grateful for Castiel's angel mojo; it really did come in handy. "Good, now let's get going." Dean's voice was gruff, strained. He hated sounding so harsh with the angel, especially after everything they had shared over the last day, but he was scared. He just needed to get to Sammy.

Once they were on the road, in a hijacked car, Cas felt confident that now was an appropriate time to ask Dean what was going on. He looked across at Dean and seeing the frown on his face, he tried to choose his words carefully.

"Dean," Cas uttered his name tenderly and watched to see if his face would soften. It didn't. Dean didn't answer him, his eyes remaining focused ahead, but on Sam, not the road. Cas left it a few moments before speaking again, never once taking his eyes off of Dean's face. He knew the safest thing for him to do was to just remain silent, especially if he wanted to avoid being barked at by Dean. He knew he could just let Dean brood, so that he would avoid being upset when his anger turned towards him. But he also knew that he couldn't do that, because that was not right for Dean. He knew Dean well enough to see that something was really wrong, and he was angry, and maybe even a little scared. He needed to blow off some steam, and if that ended up being directed at Cas, then so be it. The angel spoke his name again, a little louder than before. He reached out to put his hand on Dean's forearm gently, choosing physical contact to get his attention. The hunter shrugged him off almost instantly; Cas pulled his hand back then, stinging with rejection.

Dean hated being this way with the angel. He knew that Cas meant well, he knew that he just wanted to help. But he couldn't allow himself to be distracted by him, not even for a second. After all, that's what got him into this mess to begin with. He let Sammy go off alone, and he didn't even think twice about it, too preoccupied with being with Cas. He smacked the steering wheel in frustration at himself.

"Dean, please tell me what's going on. Let me help you." Help? What could Cas do? By now Sam was probably already doing something stupid. How could he stop him now? Dean should have been there. He should have been with him.

"Can you turn back time?" Cas flinched at the words, trying not to let himself be hurt by Dean's anger, because that wouldn't do either of them any good.

"I'm sorry Dean, I don't think I have enough 'mojo', as you call it, to turn back time. But by the number of red lights you have run, I'm sensing you're in a hurry to get somewhere, and I can definitely help you with that. Tell me where we are going and I will have us there in less than a second." Dean slammed his brakes on and swung the stolen car into the side of the road. Why hadn't he considered this before? I guess he was too focused on getting to Sam that it had completely slipped his mind that he had an angel sitting right there who could zap him to wherever he needed to be. Cas, although somewhat flustered by the emergency stop, was pleased that whatever he had said had finally got through to Dean.

"I need to get to Kevin." The angel reached out to grab Dean's arm, and in the blink of an eye Dean and Cas were stood outside of the houseboat. Dean murmured his thanks to Cas and went barrelling towards the door, banging his fists against it. "Kevin, it's Dean. Open up." Mere moments later the exhausted, red-eyed prophet appeared at the door, letting them inside, with a nervous look around before shutting and locking the door behind him.

"Dean, that was fast. Cas, nice to see you." The angel nodded to the prophet as a greeting.

"Alright, we don't have time for polite chitchat right now. Where the hell is Sam?" Dean's voice was still full of anger, but it was only now that the angel recognised it for what it truly was; fear. Dean was worried about Sam. The angel should have known; Sam was the only thing that ever really got Dean this wound up. Would his constant need to keep Sam safe ever waver? Why did he feel it was his duty to save Sam? He was a fully grown man, after all, perfectly capable of looking after himself.

"I don't know Dean. I told you that on the phone. All I know is I cracked the second trial, told Sam what he needed to do, and then after spending some time on his laptop and making a few phone calls, he took off."

"What were the phone calls about? Think, God damn it." Cas decided to let the blasphemy slide, this situation was already strained enough as it was.

"Dean, seriously, I don't know. I assumed he was talking to you so I zoned out. Sorry, man, but you and your brother talk so much crap together, and it's boring." The prophet shrugged as if that was enough to explain why he didn't know anything about where Sam was. "Anyway-" the prophet's words were cut off as Dean lunged forward, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and shoving him against the nearest wall.

"Kevin, so help me, stop messing around and give me something to go on right now." Kevin's eyes went wide as he took in the situation; he choked a little as the restraint of his shirt against his throat made breathing difficult.

"Dean, put him down, this isn't helping. The prophet clearly has more to say." After a moment of letting the rage die down, Dean put Kevin back on the ground gently, realising that he needed to treat him a little kinder, especially after all he had done for them so far. If it wasn't for Kevin, he wouldn't even have known that Sammy was up to something without him. "Kevin, would you like to continue?"

"Thanks, Cas. Right so I called Sam a dozen times to find out what was going on. I thought his behaviour was a little weird, and when he asked me not to bother you with any of this, I knew something was up. Which is when I called you, Dean. I tried his number again after I got hold of you and he finally answered, he sounded more annoyed than anything so I guess he was just trying to get me to stop calling him. Anyway, the only thing he said as any explanation for what he was doing was that he needed to find a taxi driver, and then he told me not to contact you. Which was obviously too late as I assumed you were already on your way. I was about to tell him that but he hung up on me before I got the chance. Next thing I knew you were banging on my door." The prophet took a big breath when he had finally got through everything that he had to say. Dean's face was still angry, but it now had a confused twist in it.

"Taxi driver? What the hell is that supposed to mean? How is that of any help to me? I need to know how to find Sam. Damn it." Dean spun around and punched the nearest wall to him. Cas flinched at Dean's outburst. All he wanted to do was find some way of helping Dean find Sam. He needed to help him, to make him feel better. Taxi driver obviously meant nothing to Dean but it meant something to Cas; there was something in the back of his mind that triggered when Kevin had said those words.

"Kevin, as Dean has been so absent-minded worrying about Sam, he forgot to mention what the second trial is. Would you be able to share this knowledge with me, please?" Dean leaned against the wall he had just punched, sulking. Cas tried to not let himself be sidetracked by how adorable a sulky Dean was.

"For the second trial, an innocent soul has to be rescued from hell and delivered unto heaven."

"Unto? Unto! What does that even mean?" Dean murmured mostly to himself, in a surly voice.

"That's the way God speaks." Cas and Kevin spoke to explanation in unison. Cas smiled at the prophet, and then thought about the second trial in relation to a taxi driver. All of a sudden it all clicked into place.

"Dean, I know where he is." Dean's expression lifted instantly at the angel's words.

"Cas, I could kiss you!" Dean made his way towards Cas, with a strange expression on his face that Kevin couldn't quite place. Without warning the atmosphere in the room changed, and Kevin found he was uncomfortable in their presence. "Where is he, Cas? Come on, angel mojo us out of here. Let's go get Sammy before he does something stupid." Kevin watched awkwardly as Dean reached out for the angel's hand, tenderly linking their fingers together, and then poof, they were gone.

The prophet was left alone again, thinking about how awkward and uncomfortable that situation had just been. He had seen Dean angry before, so that didn't really bother him, but he had never really seen that tender side of Dean. The way he was looking at Cas just before they had vanished was enough to make Kevin look away, feeling embarrassed simply witnessing it. Something had definitely changed between those two. The way Dean had felt so comfortable holding the angel's hand, like it was a gesture he was used to.

Kevin smiled to himself, as he went back to work on deciphering the demon tablet, thinking about the possibility of Dean and Cas.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Er, Cas where the hell are we?" The angel smiled at the uncertainty in Dean's voice, and gripped his hand a little tighter.

"This is where the Taxi Driver should be."

"I'm guessing this isn't just any taxi driver?"

"No, you're right about that. I didn't think there were any still around, it's a dangerous business, smuggling people into hell."

"Wait, what? You're telling me Sam has snuggled himself into hell?" Just as Cas was about to answer Dean, he saw a form emerge from the shadows. He recognised him as the light hit his face; Ajay.

"Oh man, not another Winchester. I hope you don't want the same deal as your brother, because I'm not doing it. It was risky enough smuggling one of you into hell." Ajay's expression was pained; he clearly didn't want any trouble.

His words had confirmed their fears; Sam had already been smuggled into hell. Cas was now wondering how he could possibly stop Dean from blindly following his brother into hell. He sensed Dean's shoulders rise as he readied himself for a fight. Dean Winchester, always ready for a fight when it comes to looking out for his little brother.

"You are smuggling me into hell, whether you like it or not. I need to get Sam out." The clear worry in Dean's voice made him a little less intimidating than he was hoping to be.

"Look, Sam will be fine. I will be going back to meet him where I left him in..." He paused to check his watch. "22 hours and 17 minutes. Be here then and I'll deliver Sam back to you. Okay?"

"No. No I need to get to him now. He can't do this alone." Cas knew that Sam would have to do it alone, since he was the one doing the trails. But he also knew that Dean wasn't willing to accept that.

"I'm not doing it! I've already put my neck on the line just getting Sam in. Seriously, you two are at the top of Hell's Most Wanted list. I'm already screwed if anyone from Hell finds out I helped one of you. I'm not making it worse."

"Well, fine, but you can at least go back in there and get him out now. We can do this a different way."

"He's rescuing a soul right? An innocent one to be precise?"

"How do you know that?"

"He told me. And would you like me to tell you what I told him? I told him about a certain soul down there. A certain innocent soul that he now plans on rescuing. Knowing how you Winchesters are about the people you care about, I'm guessing you're going to want to let Sam do this. And now." Dean racked his brain for who that soul could be, but he was sure they had all passed on, they were all on heaven. They had to be.

"Bobby." The emotions that crossed Dean's face went from confused to angry and then finally to acceptance. He had to let Sam do this. They had to save Bobby. After everything he had done from them. The sheer mention of Bobby's name awoke a heartache in him that he had tried so long to suppress. He missed Bobby, more than he could ever say. "Be here tomorrow, okay?"

Dean nodded sadly at him, and then looked to Cas. His expression almost screamed 'get me out of here before I lose it'. Cas reached for his hunter's hand, and suddenly their surroundings changed; they were back at the boathouse.

Before Cas had a chance to say something comforting, Dean pulled the angel into him, nestling his head between his shoulder and his neck. Cas responded by wrapping his arms around him and holding him close.

They stayed like that for a while, neither one saying anything. Cas knew that anything he said would break the moment, and Dean knew that all he really needed was just to be held this way.

"Well, well, isn't this touching." Dean and Cas jumped immediately away from each other, their moment broken by Naomi. "I should have known I'd find you with them eventually. Your one weakness; Dean Winchester." Naomi, the very angel that had tortured Cas, the one that had made him do all those awful things, the one who wanted Cas to kill Dean. The rage and fury Dean felt for this angel rose up in him.

"So you're Naomi. Well it's nice to finally put a face to the name of someone on my 'to kill' list." Naomi shot Dean a puzzled look, and then turned her attention to Cas.

"Castiel, I just want to talk with you." Dean found it strange how calm and collected this angel was; considering all that she had done, he was expecting someone a little more highly strung.

"I am not giving you the tablet Naomi. I've hidden it somewhere no one will ever find it. Nobody knows where it is, not even Dean." Dean found himself feeling hurt again at the angel's lack of trust in him, but considering the current situation he decided to ignore that feeling, for now.

"Castiel you need to be reasonable. That tablet belongs in heaven, with the angels, with our kind."

"I don't see why I should be reasonable with you, when you have never shown me that courtesy." Anger shone in Naomi's eyes for a second, and then her expression changed, she shifted her gaze back to Dean.

"I hear you Winchester boys are trying to close the gates of Hell."

"What's it to you?" Naomi smiled at the hunter's surly response.

"I want to help you close it down, in any way I can."

"And what do you want in return? You want me to persuade Cas to give you tablet? Sorry Sister, no deal."

"No Dean, this is a separate issue to the one between Castiel and me. I want the Demon's shut away just as badly as you do. And in the spirit of being reasonable, there's something you should know about getting into Hell. You have to go through Purgatory." And with that the angel vanished, leaving Dean's head in a spin.

"Ah, angels!" Dean smacked his fists against the side of the boat. "Why do you guys do that? Just drop a bomb shell then disappear!"

"Dean, I-" Cas was at a loss as to what to say to comfort Dean. He knew how Dean felt about Purgatory, because he lived it with him. "I'm sorry." Cas followed the hunter over to the side of the boat and rested his head on his back, wrapping his arms around his chest. When he felt Dean relax into him, he spoke again. "Dean, Sam will be okay, he can do this. We've seen him do some great things, some impossible things." Dean sighed, trying to accept the angel's comment. But he couldn't. He couldn't just sit here and do nothing while Sam went through Purgatory and Hell. There was no way he was sitting this one out. He couldn't let his brother do this alone. He had to help him.

"Cas..." And just the way Dean said his name was all he needed to hear; Cas knew that he wasn't going to let this one go. He kissed the back of the hunter's neck and then whispered his response.

"Yes I know. Let's go find Ajay then. I'm sure between the two of us we can persuade him to change his mind about getting you in."

* * *

Without either of them noticing, Kevin had heard the commotion and come out to investigate. Seeing the two of them in a tender embrace was enough for him to know that they didn't want to be interrupted, so he kept quiet for a moment. He wasn't close enough to hear what Cas had whispered to him. He just saw Dean turn to the angel, smile and kiss him square on the mouth.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Dean, over here." Cas stood over the dead body he had just discovered, and as he feared, it was Ajay. As Dean headed in his direction, Cas contemplated how he would be able to keep the hot-headed hunter from doing something stupid.

"Is he...?" Dean couldn't even bring himself to say the word.

"Yes, Dean, he's dead. Looks like Crowley got to him before we did."

"No. No he can't be dead. He's the only thing that's going to get Sam back here. If he's dead, then that means Sam can't get back. Sam will be stuck in Purgatory." Dean yelled out a string of profanities, grabbing Ajay by his jacket collar and shaking him. "Listen to me, you bastard. You can't be dead. Wake up. You have to wake up. You have to help me save Sam." Cas noticed the change in Dean's voice and realised he was crying. He grabbed the hunter around the waste and pulled him away so that the body was out of his grasp, and out of his line of sight.

Cas felt his heart ache at seeing Dean lose it like this. He was usually so strong, he usually held these kinds of emotions in. All Cas knew is he needed to do whatever it took to stop Dean feeling this way. And he knew that if they lost Sam, Dean would never stop feeling like this, he would never move on. He had to do something to save Sam, and he had to do it fast.

Cas cradled Dean until he felt his shaking subside, then he turned him around so that he could see his face.

"Dean, I know this may look hopeless now, but it's not over. Sam is not lost. We still have time to save him."

"How? How can we hope to save him now that his ticket out of there is dead?"

"I'll find Crowley, make a deal with him."

"No, you can't involve Crowley. If Sam gets Bobby out of there, and I know he will, then it will all be for nothing."

"Well the only other way for us to get to Purgatory that I know of is by killing the leader of the Leviathans. And since we already did that, I don't see a way for us to get there." Dean paused, considering Castiel's response. He thought about the time he spent in purgatory. He knew he couldn't let Sam go through what he went through. He wouldn't survive it on his own, not without an angel by his side. And a vampire turned good. Benny. He was still so grateful to Benny, and he knew he always would be.

"Cas, you're right. We can't get to Purgatory. But someone else can. If we kill something Supernatural that's where they'll end up. And then they can find Sam and get them to the portal. The same one I went through." Cas looked a little perplexed as Dean's new plan started to form.

"Benny."

"The vampire? You really think he'd do this?" The scepticism in the angel's voice was obvious.

"I know it's a lot to ask from someone, but I know he'd do it. We went through a lot together down there, and he sort of owes me one." Dean had already dialled Benny's number before Cas had a chance to protest.

"Benny. Hey man. Yeah, I'm sorry it's been a while. So listen, there's a favour I need to ask you." Cas zoned out while Dean talked openly and animatedly with the vampire. He hated how he wasn't the one that could save the day in this situation. Instead, Dean turned to his old friend Benny, the vampire. Dean actually wanted the help of a vampire, and refused the help of an angel. Something was really wrong with this situation. By the time Dean's conversation had ended, the angel's thoughts had become blacker than ever.

"He's on his way. I knew I could count him." Dean was smiling, so that lifted the angel's spirits a little, but not by much, after all he wasn't the one who put that smile back on the hunter's face.

"Hey, Cas it's going to be okay. He'll be here soon. Luckily he's only a couple of hours away." Cas tried to show some enthusiasm for Dean's sake, but he couldn't. He couldn't shake the bad feeling he had about this.

"Dean, are you sure this is the best idea?"

"It's the only thing that I can think of. It will work. Benny can do this. He's done it before, remember."

"Yeah. I remember."

"So quit worrying. We'll have Sam back before you know it." Dean watched as the angel's smile didn't quite reach his eyes. What was wrong with Cas? This plan was fool proof. He knew there was some animosity between Benny and Cas in Purgatory, but that was in Purgatory. Surely Cas didn't hold onto any resentment for Benny, after all he was the guy who helped him escape that place.

"Cas, what's going on? Is this about Benny?" Cas looked away from Dean, refusing to answer him. Dean rested his hand on the angel's face, pulling it back towards him. He planted a quick peck on his lips to see if that would defuse the tension. Cas smiled a little.

"Now do you want to tell me what all this sulking is about?"

"I'm sorry Dean. Please ignore my sulky behaviour. I'm sure your plan will work perfectly. Since you seem to trust this vampire so much, I guess I have no reason not to."

"I've met a lot of vampires in my time. I've hunted and killed a lot of them. Hell, I've even been one for a little while. And I'm telling you, Benny is different. He's good. If you can't trust him, then trust me, trust my instincts."

"I trust you, Dean."

"Good." Dean planted another kiss on the angel's mouth, lingering against his lips a little longer than before. "For a minute there I could have sworn you were jealous." Cas stiffened, looking down nervously. When the man you love has a close companion other than you that he shares a special bond with, of course you're jealous. How could you not be?

"Cas. Hey, Cas, look at me." Cas cautiously looked up to meet Dean's inquisitive eyes. "Please tell me you're not jealous of Benny. Please tell me that you know better than to think that anyone could be as special as you are to me." The angel's heart softened at Dean's words, but he still couldn't shake that feeling.

"It's not that I think you care more for him, Dean. It's just that I cannot help you the way he can. He can help you get Sam back, and I can't. I'm not jealous exactly. I just wish I could be the one that helped you get Sam back. After all, what good am I if I can't help you, if I can't save the day?"

"Wait, that's all you think you're good for? Really? What, you think I only want you around when I need help?" Cas knew that wasn't the case, he knew how special their bond was, still it really did feel that way sometimes. "If I've ever made you feel like that, then I'm sorry okay? But you have to know that I don't just need you around when I have a problem that needs fixing. I need you around all the time. I need you, Cas. All. The. Time." It wasn't like Cas to be so needy, but if he needed some words of assurance then Dean had no problem with that. The angel let a genuine smile spread across his face as Dean's words finally got through to him.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I don't know what came over me. These feelings... Human emotions. I'm not used to them. They're quite overpowering."

"It's okay, Cas. I get it, believe me. Just never doubt my feelings for you, okay?" Cas smiled apologetically and nodded his assent. "Now that's sorted, can I stop worrying about my sulky little angel and go back to worrying about Sammy?" Cas found Dean's jokey tone endearing, as always.

"Would it be more helpful if Benny told you where he was, and I zapped us to him?" Dean smiled at his always-eager-to-help angel. It was true that Dean valued Cas a great deal for all the times he had helped and saved him. And it was also true that he did seem to always call on Cas when he had a problem. But that's not why he fell for Cas. As great as all the angel mojo was, there was more to Cas. He knew that without all that he would still love Cas, he would still need him.

"Yes, that would be helpful. The sooner we get Sammy out of there, the better." Dean kissed him chastely, and whispered his thanks against his lips.


End file.
